


in fear that you'd find out how i'm imagining you

by jainasolosgirlfriend



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Legends - All Media Types, Star Wars Legends: Dark Nest Trilogy - Troy Denning
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Break Up, Unresolved Romantic Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-30
Updated: 2019-12-30
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:01:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,692
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22034485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jainasolosgirlfriend/pseuds/jainasolosgirlfriend
Summary: When Jag recognises an enemy ship's crash-landing pattern, he sets out to rescue its fallen soldier. Fortunately- or maybe unfortunately- for him, he happens to know her quite well. He can't be blamed for losing his composure while having to escort her back to her family, can he? Especially when the only thing he has for her to wear is his over-sized flightsuit....-Alternatively titled: Dark Nest Interlude in which Jaina and Jag have far too many feelings left unresolved after their breakup.
Relationships: Jagged Fel/Jaina Solo
Comments: 7
Kudos: 20





	in fear that you'd find out how i'm imagining you

**Author's Note:**

> My real excuse for writing this was wanting to write smut with angst... Canonically, or not-so-canonically, it takes place at the end of The Joiner King. I couldn't be bothered to reread the book so I can't give you an exact placing for the events of this little interlude but, uh, imagination I guess?
> 
> The title is a lyric from Talk by Hozier, if you were curious. I listen to a lot of his stuff while writing these fics so it'd probably make for good background listening.

_Deep in the Outer Rim_

The distress signal from the fallen spacecraft would have normally been ignored as random space chatter, but when he’d noticed the pattern of flight that led to the enemy craft crash landing on this planet, his conscience would not afford him to leave it alone. According to his flagship’s data, the pilot probably survived and if it was who he thought it was, then that probably was almost certain in his mind. For whatever reason, he wanted to be the one to find her.

He’d taken a shuttle with a small crew to the surface where the damaged craft had been found, but there were no signs of any remains or evidence that the pilot had perished. He’d dismissed the team, allowing them to go back on board the ship while he conducted his own search in the nearest city. It wasn’t dilapidated by any means, it had functional lights and speeder ways and enough buildings to pass as a decent city, but it didn’t hold a candle to the intricacies of the completely built up city on Csilla.

He’d been walking aimlessly for a few hours, more lost in thought than he was actively searching. He still wasn’t sure what his goal was, but it had been a long time since he’d allowed himself some time away from the job. The promotions just kept coming, as did the medals and commendations, but time only seemed to run away from him. He was still so young, but he felt like he’d lived out his whole life already. There wasn’t anything else to his life but his career. While he was okay with that and prepared to live with that until the day he died, he couldn’t help but wonder if there was something more in life to have.

“Jagged?” A questioning voice asked from behind him. He had managed to wander into an old alleyway, one that was well-lit enough to deter criminals but still private enough to evade questioning eyes. As he turned around, he was greeted with the sight of a dishevelled Jaina Solo, her flight suit torn and her face marred by soot no doubt from her spectacular crash-land.

“What are you doing down here?” She said with a frown. Jag had to resist the urge to wipe away the dirt on her cheeks. It was almost instinct to touch her.

“I’m simply responding to your distress signal,” Jag began, “I’m glad to see you’re alive.”

She crossed her arms over her chest, “Yeah well, it doesn’t help that your people were the ones shooting at us.”

“It was a misunderstanding,” Jag said apologetically. They hadn’t meant to attack the well-meaning Jedi, but he’d been unable to convince his superiors otherwise.

Jaina shrugged. “Doesn’t matter. My commlink’s down and I haven’t been able to get a comm out of anyone in this uptight city. They’re all looking at me like I’ve brought the plague or something.”

A small smile made its way on to his face. “You could use some freshening up.”

“How? You think I got credits for a shower?”

Jag shook his head. “The ship’s small, but there’s a shower and a comm station that you could borrow.”

Jaina’s eyes narrowed towards him. “Is this some kind of trick to arrest us- I mean me?”

He flinched at her slip. “No. I’m just giving you suggestions.”

“Alright,” Jaina nodded. “It’s not like I’m in a place to say no.”

-

Jag sat eagerly at the comm station while Jaina had freshened up. He didn’t have anything for her to wear save one of his flight suits that he’d left out for her. He was reviewing the message she’d sent out before hitting the shower- it was simple enough, nothing for the Chiss to be worried about. She’d sent her location and short details of her situation. What gnawed at him was that one of the recipients was meant to be her Jedi friend, Zekk.

Stuffing his feelings of jealousy down, Jag shook his head. It wasn’t any of his business.

He heard the door to the cockpit slide open, and Jaina came in sheepishly, his flightsuit almost falling off her as she settled into the co-pilot’s chair.

“Thanks again for the shower,” She said before gesturing to her ill-fitting clothes. “I wish you had something a little smaller, but still thanks.”

Jag snorted. “While I did intend on finding you alive, it didn’t occur to me that you’d need a change of clothes.”

Jaina smiled. “Why’d you come down for me though? Surely, you must have something else more important to do.”

“Not really. I actually have a couple days off,” Jag admitted.

“Hmm,” Jaina hummed as her hands threaded through her damp hair. “It’s so strange to be on opposite sides, isn’t it?”

He studied her for a moment before leaning back in his chair. “We’re not on opposite sides.”

“Not yet,” Jaina pointed out. “It could still turn out for the worst.”

“Yes, if you joiners wouldn’t exacerbate the situation and stop strong-arming the Killiks,” Jag said with a little too much heat.

She seemed to recoil at his tone. “Becoming a Joiner wasn’t intentional.”

“Yeah? What was it then?”

Her eyes seemed to gloss over. “I don’t know. I just know that it’s the best thing that’s happened to me in a long time.”

Jag outwardly grimaced. “Your life cannot be that bad.”

Jaina chuckled as she finally settled her gaze on him. “Maybe it is. In the Hive, you don’t have to worry about anything. Everyone is your friend, and everyone has the same goals. No one gets left behind.”

“Except your own mind and your own wants. That’s not true happiness. That’s brainwashing,” Jag pointed out.

“What would you know about happiness?” Jaina bit back, her gaze turning into a glare. She was angry that he’d even dare to insult the hive that she’d felt was her home.

Jag settled to shrug. “You’re right. I suppose I wouldn’t know a thing.”

Silence settled between them. Jag was content to let it, there wasn’t anything else he wished to say to her. Not without further incensing her for continuing to question the legitimacy of this newfound family she’d grown to love.

“I don’t want to lose my mind,” Jaina said softly. “I want to be in the Hive, but I don’t want to lose everything.”

“Then you should listen to your parents and stay away. That’s the only way to prevent that from happening.” Jag didn’t know if this was something they should delve into, but he still cared for her enough to indulge her.

“But I still want to forget a lot of things. I want to forget the painful memories,” Jaina admitted, “But I don’t want to lose the good ones. I don’t want to forget about you.”

Jag felt his heart sink. “Jaina, I-”

“I think I still love you,” Jaina whispered, “Being in the Hive hasn’t made me forget that. In fact, it’s only reminded me how much I miss you.”

He remained silent for a moment. “I really think that you need to stay far away from there. And it’s not about me either, but for your own good.”

Jaina looked up at him. “But then I’ll have to get back to life, won’t I? I was so terrible at it before, I couldn’t do anything right. What have I really done with myself since the war ended?”

He wanted to reach over to hug her. He knew first-hand just how hard it was for her adjust after the Yuuzhan Vong had been defeated. Their relationship had suffered and eventually fallen apart because of her inability to move on from it. He hadn’t blamed her for growing distant. Jaina was a child at the start of the war and came out of it as an adult. The drastic change of living life as an adult in a war-free galaxy was a shock to her, one that she hadn’t been able to cope with. He only wished that he hadn’t been so consumed with his duties to the Ascendancy that he could have been there for her when she needed him.

“This isn’t the answer, though,” Jag sighed. “Believe me, this will only make things worse.”

Jaina looked at him with sad eyes and a trusting look. “I don’t know what else to do.”

In a bold move, Jag reached out to pull her into a hug. She leaned against him, allowing him to bear most of his weight. “Just trust me.”

She nodded into his chest before pulling away with teary eyes. “Okay. I’ve always trusted you.”

Jag smiled down at her. “Good. I’d never lead you astray either.”

“I know,” She said as she pulled away from his hug and resumed her seat. “I assume you have to get back to the ship?”

He shrugged. “I have a few days off remember? I could drop you wherever you needed to go.”

Her eyes beamed. “Really? You’d do that for me?”

“Of course. Provided that it’s not too far, I’d be more than willing to take you where you need to go,” Jag said gently. He didn’t know what he was getting himself into.

Jaina rewarded him with a warm smile, one that he didn’t know he’d missed so much until now. “Okay, Captain. Take me away.”

-

Jag hadn’t expected the trip to be this comfortable. She had chosen a nearby system where she was sure was safe enough for the _Falcon_ to come pick her up while also not taking Jag too far away from his duties should he be called back into action. He appreciated her thinking of him.

But what Jag did not expect was for him to get so worked up being in close proximity to her again. It had been almost two years since they’d seen each other last but still his skin seemed to heat up seeing her walk around in just _his_ flight suit practically falling off her to reveal the luscious bare skin that he’d dreamt of touching one last time.

Jag squeezed his eyes shut. This was the fifth time this hour alone that he’d allowed his thoughts to go there. It didn’t help that Jaina was a Jedi too. He only hoped that her worries had kept her sufficiently distracted from noticing that he was near drooling being in her presence.

“Oh, captain?” Jaina called teasingly as she had in the last few hours. He hated the shiver that it sent down his spine. He wanted to hear her call him that over and over…

“What is it?”

Jaina shrugged. “It’s getting a little boring. Are you sure there isn’t a sabacc board hiding around somewhere?”

Jag laughed softly with a shake of his head. “Unfortunately, the Chiss don’t play sabacc and I didn’t plan on stocking this ship with anything but the essentials.”

“Right,” Jaina reminded herself as she tugged at the sleeves of his oversized flight suit. “Hence why I’m stuck wearing this.”

Jag took his eyes off the controls for a second to appreciate the dip of her collarbone before deciding it was time he transferred the craft to autopilot. He was definitely not in the right state of mind to fly.

“Are you going to complain about it the whole trip?” Jag raised a brow as he stared at her intensely. Jaina’s lips curled into a mischievous smirk.

“What? Is it getting annoying?”

His body felt like it was on fire, and if she kept this going he didn’t think his years of training would keep him from acting on his impulses. Her teasing was just too damn good.

“Yes,” Jag admitted as his eyes seemed to rake over her. “I’m starting to think you’d prefer to wear nothing at all.”

Jaina’s eyes widened for a moment before her face settled on a seductive grin. “Jagged Fel, all you had to do was ask.”

He contemplated it for a split second. She was his ex, their feelings weren’t something to play around with, there was also a war brewing that could see them on opposite sides-

But then Jaina was biting her lip in the way that always drove him crazy. Why should he have to watch her bite her lip when he could simply do it for her? That was it, Jag thought. He just needed to get it out of his system, and clearly Jaina did too.

He leaned back in his chair, cool and seemingly unbothered as he finally replied. “Then take it off.”

Jaina looked at him for a few moments, challenging him to take it back. She knew him well enough to know that he’d be battling with his better senses, but she also knew that once he’d said those words, there was now way he was going back.

Slowly- almost too slowly- Jaina rose from her chair, her eyes trained on his as her hands moved to grasp the zipper that barely kept the flightsuit on her body. She slowly zipped it down, Jag’s eyes following its movement as it revealed the creamy skin that hid beneath it. It took only a simple shrug for it to fall off her shoulders and pool on the floor below. Jag swallowed heavily as he took in the sight of her completely naked body, every curve, ever nuance that he’d gotten so used to calling his in the past. Now, it was going to be his again.

After getting a good look, Jag’s eyes found its way back to her face. She was flushed all over, slightly embarrassed to appear in front of him like this. But Jag knew it wouldn’t last long. He was going to make sure she wouldn’t regret a moment.

“You look more comfortable like this,” he said simply. Jaina always got frustrated by his seemingly never-ending patience. But when he exercised said patience, it led to her to do something she rarely ever did- beg.

And Jag liked when she begged for what she wanted. And he also liked to give her exactly that.

Jaina’s unsure expression soon faded and was replaced by her teasing smirk once more. “You look like you like what you see.”

“I do,” Jag nodded. “Come here.”

She sauntered over, her feet light against the durasteel floor as she stopped right in front of him. Her hands moved to grip his shoulders as she settled herself comfortably in his lap, ensuring that she pressed against him in all the right places.

Jag’s own hands settled on her bare hips, unable to keep them from roaming downwards to ghost over the flesh of her plump behind. Jaina shivered under his touch, unable to keep the soft whimper that escaped her as his hands continued to explore her body.

“Jag,” She said breathily, “I’m going to need you to stop being so proper for a little bit.”

He raised a brow as he paused his movements. “Have you ever known me to be anything but?”

Jaina’s knee shifted so that instead of bracketing his legs, it pressed down hard into his growing erection. “Yes, but only after I ask.”

He allowed himself to sigh at the pleasure her action brought. “Are you going to give me a good reason?”

Jainas hand snaked between their tightly pressed bodies so she could grip where her knee had just been. “Do you even need to ask?”

Laughing, Jag relaxed as she palmed over his dick, teasing him to full hardness with just her touch in her attempt to make him lose control. But they both knew that his patience ran deep, so she’d have to work a lot harder than that.

Still, Jag decided to return the favour. One of his hands that had held firmly onto her ass managed to slip a finger between her increasingly wet folds, teasing her as he moved it back and forth, just gently touching her clit as he did.

Jaina moaned this time in between her giggles. She always liked to laugh during sex, probably as a way of reducing her own embarrassment, but it was a sign that he was doing something right.

“You’re so wet already,” Jag commented as he leaned forward to nibble on her earlobe. He also realised that he had yet to kiss her. He would need to rectify that soon, but a wicked thought came to his mind that he should probably make another use out of her mouth first.

“Mhmm,” Jaina moved as his finger easily slipped into her, pumping in and out fast enough to get her heart racing but still too slow to satisfy her. “And you’re so hard already.”

“Not as hard as I could be,” Jag muttered between kisses to her neck. While his hands were already quite intimate with her, she still had yet to touch his bare skin. “Think you can do anything about that?”

Jaina’s free hand moved to his hair, grasping firmly as she pulled his face from her neck to look him in the eye. “What will you give me in return?”

Jag paused his movements as he met her gaze. “Maybe I’ll stop being so proper.”

Smiling, Jaina patted his cheek as she slid from his lap and onto the floor below them. His heart raced in anticipation as she carefully undid his belt, deliberately taking her time to unzip his pants to reveal the bulge in his boxers. Before he could say what he was thinking, Jaina’s head dipped as her tongue swiftly licked a long stripe up his bulge, stopping carefully at the tip to let the spit soak through.

“Fuck,” Jag moaned as looked up at him with twinkling eyes. All etiquette was out the viewport now. They were really going to do this.

Jaina wasted no time in pulling his now fully hard dick from his pants, stroking it slowly as she wrapped her lips around the head, her tongue making circles at the tip that drove him crazy. Jag’s hand fell lightly onto her hair as she took more of him in. His own eyes closed as he appreciated the bliss of Jaina’s mouth around him, sucking him down slowly as her hand jerked what she didn’t have in her mouth.

She was moaning herself, enjoying the feeling of his warm cock as it threatened to spill over into her throat. In the past, they’d never gone very far with blowjobs, but clearly Jaina had picked up more confidence over the years that had her willing to experiment with going further- and Jag was not about to stop her.

Jaina relaxed her throat, taking him down until her nose was pressed against the skin of his abdomen. Jag shivered, allowing himself to moan as she held herself there for a few seconds before slowly making her way back up until she was gently sucking at the head once more. Jag could only stare at her in amazement, unsure of how he had managed to go this long without her before.

With a small smile, Jaina finally pulled back from his dick, a trail of spit connecting the head to her shiny lips as she enthusiastically continued to jerk him off. Her gaze shifted back to him as she smirked. “Was that good enough?”

“Ha,” Jag said shakily as her hands continued to bring him pleasure. “It did make me lose my composure. But only just a bit.”

Dipping down to lick at his dick once more, Jaina made show of sopping up the bead of precum that had made its way through the tip. “Whatever you say.”

Jag’s hands were now comfortable in her hair as she continued to blow him, alternating between sucking then jerking- or both at the same time- until he felt like he was close. With a firm but gentle grip, he pulled her head back, chuckling at her annoyance at having her work interrupted until he was pulling her back up into his lap to finally bring their lips together. Jaina’s mouth was as wet as to be expected, and Jag had no qualms about allowing himself to taste himself as he licked hotly into her mouth, adamant to let her know that he was still in charge. He’d let her have a little fun. Now it was time to let him have his.

His hands gripping her waist, he coaxed her into a standing position, then eased her legs to bend at the knees to bracket his head so that he could come face to face with what he’d wanted to taste more than anything else. Jaina shakily held onto his hair as she breathed heavily in anticipation.

Jag’s tongue darted out to swipe over her now throbbing clit, revelling in the way she rewarded him with a long whine that indicated that she’d gone untouched for too long. In this position, Jag couldn’t see her face, what with him being on eye level her navel, but he could imagine that her mouth hung open in wanton pleasure. He’d just have to see for himself later when he fucked her.

“No more teasing,” Jaina said, her voice almost breaking.

Jag clicked his tongue at her, “You know you have to ask nicely.”

Jaina must have been really desperate for it as she bypassed her natural instinct to argue with him. “Please, Jag. I want it so bad.”

“I know,” Jag hushed her as gave her another teasing lick before finally getting to work. His hands gripped her ass from behind as he pulled her toward him, leaving no room between his tongue at the folds her dripping pussy as he lazily began to lick into her. Jaina was always very responsive, and she didn’t disappoint with her high-pitched whines and moans that let him know that he was giving it to her the way she liked. Of course he was, Jag knew her body inside out, he knew every way to make her cry out in pleasure.

This was fun for him. Jaina rocked back and forth against his face, desperate for him to go faster, but Jag maintained his slow pace, absent-mindedly tracing letters between her folds to spell words in random languages he knew. After one particular word, Jaina’s grip on his hair tightened so hard that Jag worried she’d pulled out a tuft. She had always preferred Chiss letters to Basic ones, and that seemed to hold true today.

“Fuck, Jag, I’m going to come,” Jaina breathed out as her hips moved faster against his face. Jag was fine with letting her, he could always make her come again later, but he had wanted to draw out her pleasure for as long as he could.

Still, Jaina probably wanted this more than he did, so he sped up his movements while also prodding two of his fingers deep inside her, thrusting them in and out in sync with his tongue as Jaina’s moans got louder and louder. Suddenly, she was tightening around his fingers and her thighs squeezed hard around his head.

“Oh,” Jaina breathed as she felt the waves of pleasure course through her. Jag felt like he couldn’t breathe, personally, but he also didn’t think this was a particularly bad way to go, what with his tongue over her clit, his fingers inside her and his head trapped between her thighs. But still, he had to make it long enough to get his dick inside her too, so he reluctantly grasped her thighs to place her back into his lap once her orgasm began to subside.

Finally getting a look at her face, Jag was mesmerised by the deep flush that seemed to span her entire body. Jaina was kissing him before he could look any further, her hands wrapped firmly around his neck as she sloppily kissed him in thanks. Jag felt his dick throb at the feeling of her weight returned on it. Jag could easily slip into her right now, but he hadn’t decided exactly how he wanted to fuck her yet-

“Doesn’t matter,” Jaina mumbled in between kisses. He had forgotten she was a Jedi and with his guards down he’d probably projected way too much of his desire through the Force.

“Yes, it does,” Jag disagreed as his fingers found themselves back inside her. He didn’t miss the way she moaned at the returned sensation. “It very much matters to me.”

Jaina’s hand reached between them to hold his cock in her grip once more. “Does it? I’m gonna let you come in me either way.”

He felt his eyes roll back into his head. “Seriously?”

She pressed a soft kiss to his lips as she positioned his dick at her entrance. “If you don’t believe me, you’ll just have to wait and see.”

With that, she was lowering herself down on his cock, slowly, as her lips parted with a soft sigh. Jag felt himself be enveloped with her sweet heat. His cock throbbed heavily as her walls seemed to massage him as she finally bottomed out, sitting flush in his lap.

His hands were on her waist again, gently pulling her up as he lifted his own hips to thrust into her. Jaina rewarded him again with a moan, then another, and another as he continued to thrust up into her.

Jag groaned as she rested her weight against him, content to let him hold her up as he continued to fuck her. Jaina’s lips found their way to his neck, sucking softly as she tried to quieten her ever-growing moans.

“Don’t,” Jag growled with a particularly hard thrust. He wanted to hear every last sound he could get out of her.

“Ah,” Jaina sighed between thrusts, “Forgot you liked me loud.”

Increasing his strokes as well as his depths, Jag watched Jaina’s mouth hang open, frozen in pleasure as she threw her head back. He wanted her to come again before him, but he felt the pressure building up in him.

“Jaina,” He groaned, “You feel so good.”

Jana let out a breathy laugh. “Yeah? I think I’m going to come again soon. Can you fuck me harder?”

He gripped her hips hard as he tried to slow down his movements. If he hadn’t, he’d have come in the next few seconds as long as she kept talking like that. Once he brought himself back under control, Jag had grinded to a halt, not missing the way Jaina whined in response.

“Beg,” Jag said simply.

“What?” Jaina asked him, hazy from pleasure and unsure why he’d ask her brain to do any sort of coordinated thinking right now.

“If you want me to fuck you harder, you’re going to have to beg,” Jag wished she’d just get on with it. He wasn’t sure he could keep up the act any longer if she didn’t.

But Jaina never disappointed him. He watched her brows knit up as she schooled her expression into a pleading one as she seemed squeeze herself around his dick. “Oh, Jag, _please_ fuck me harder.”

Shaking his head, Jag lightly slapped her ass. “You need to work harder than that.”

Biting her lip, Jaina said with a soft moan, “Please fuck me. I’ll let you do anything, I swear. Just please fuck me.”

“Is that so?” Jag liked the desperation in her tone, “Are you going to let me come inside you too?”

Nodding vigorously, Jaina rotated her hips impatiently, “Anything. Come in me, on my face, anything.”

Jag didn’t allow himself the mental image of coming on her face. He had much more important things to think about, like how he was going to make her see stars before the night was over. In a swift movement, Jag lifted her up and was on his feet in less than a second. He pressed her back against the wall, resuming his thrusts once more as he held her in place, getting deeper and deeper inside her as he did. Jaina’s moans reached their crescendo as her hands searched aimlessly for anything to hold onto before again settling into his hair.

Jag felt her tighten around him once more, and he took the initiative to press himself against her even further, providing her throbbing clit with just that extra stimulation it needed to bring her over the edge. Her thighs shook and her mouth fell open as she came again, her moan morphing more into a high-pitched scream as she came for the second time that night. Jag himself was unable to hold back any longer, not when she looked and felt this good, and in a few more strokes he was spilling inside her, his hot cum shooting into her with his last few thrusts.

Jaina was dead weight in his arms, as she seemed too dazed to hold herself up against the wall or even to hold on to him. Jag managed to keep them both upright with some help from the wall as he panted to catch his breath. Then, as blood began to flow back to his brain, reality started to set in.

He just had sex with Jaina Solo.

Pulling back, Jaina’s eyes still seemed glazed over so she had clearly not allowed the reality of the situation to interrupt her good mood, but Jag was slowly starting to see this as a mistake. What were they going to do now that they’d opened this can of worms? He was supposed to be delivering her safe and sound to her parents- not whatever the kriff this was.

But his heart had never felt more content in his life. Was this what he’d been missing all this time?

Jag hefted her into his arms once more before crashing down back into the pilot’s chair. Jaina flopped against him happily, kissing his chest affectionately as he stroked her hair. A nasty feeling welled up in his stomach. He didn’t know what he was supposed to do or say. He didn’t want to toy with her feelings or make her feel unloved after just having fucked her. But he didn’t want to leave things so unsure.

But Jaina’s kisses slowly ceased and her breathing began to slow once more. Jag found himself smiling. He didn’t want to let his sensibilities get in the way of what was already a perfect night. So he pushed everything else to the back of his mind as he held her, leaning down to press a kiss to the top of her head as she lovingly snuggled against him.

Within a few minutes, his own eyes became heavy with sleep, but before he could completely succumb to sleep, he could swear he heard her whisper three words to him that were going to make things so much more complicated when they woke up.

-

When Jag did wake up, he was surprised not to feel a warm body pressed against him. Blinking his eyes open, Jag quickly took in his surroundings which he found to be devoid of any other being. Stretching as he stood, Jag grimaced when he noticed his unkempt state and decided to put himself back together. The computer hadn’t started beeping, meaning they were still too far out to pull out of hyperspace. Good. It’d give him time to sort this out.

He swiped a hand over his face as he tried to come up with a reasonable explanation but sighed as nothing concrete came to him. He had tried for so long to forget about Jaina, to forget about how he felt for her, but seeing her again- and on opposite sides- destroyed everything he had worked on.

“What’s wrong?”

Jag turned around quickly to see Jaina was standing behind him, a slight frown on her face as she towelled her now wet hair. Jag questioned for a moment if he had just dreamt this all up as this as reminiscent of how he got himself into this mess in the first place- but then he noticed that Jaina was wearing a smaller flightsuit that fit her much better than his did.

“Where’d you get that?”

Jaina followed his eyes until she understood. “Oh, this? I dug around in some of the trunks. I wish you had looked in them before.”

Jag sighed. “I Suppose I should have.”

Jaina smiled, bright enough to almost make him forget their predicament. “Well, it’s a good thing you didn’t.”

This was the part that Jag hated. No matter what he did, he’d lose. If he held her and told her he still loved her they’d still go their separate ways, each more concerned with their own duties than with the other. Or he could tell her that this was a mistake and that they would never work out the way they wanted. Then she’d get mad at him, but she’d go home thinking she’d done everything she could and that it was just his stubbornness that failed them.

He hated that option the most, but it’d be easier for her in the end.

“I’m not so sure about that,” Jag said firmly, averting his gaze from her eyes that he knew would look sad. “We really shouldn’t have done that.”

Jaina wasn’t defeated yet. She placed a hand on his arm gently, “I know it’s complicated, especially for you, but I think this was a good thing. Jag, we clearly miss each other.”

He swallowed. “I mean, yes, but-”

“No buts,” Jaina shook her head. “Last night…Jag, I haven’t felt that alive in months, maybe even years.”

“Because,” Jag started hesitantly, “Because you’ve gotten yourself caught up with the Killiks.”

Her grip on his arm faltered. “Why do you keep bringing that up? I told you that it made me happy.”

“It’s disgusting,” Jag declared as he pulled himself away from her. He didn’t miss the flash of anger in her eyes. “You obviously have a problem that you don’t want to deal with, so you’ve taken up in this cult where you rub arms with actual bugs!”

Never one to back down, Jaina levelled a glare his way. “They are not bugs, Jag. Neither are they a cult because you don’t understand their species and culture. Secondly, you wouldn’t know anything about my problems!”

“How would I?” Jag folded his arms across his chest, “You told me point blank that I’ll never understand because I’m not a Jedi.”

“I never said that!” Jaina scowled.

“What did you mean then when you said I wouldn’t get your pain because I’m _not like you_.” Jag was glaring at her too. He hadn’t realised how much their breakup had affected him until now.

“We are different!” Jaina tried to explain. “You follow the rules and do everything right the first time. You don’t have to second-guess yourself or wonder if you’re on the right path. You know exactly, step by step, what you are going to do and how you’re going to do it.”

Jag scoffed at her, “Just because I take responsibility for myself does not mean that-”

Jaina’s short screech cut him off as her hands gripped her hair. “This is exactly what I mean when I say you’ll never get it!”

“Then tell me!” Jag’s voice rose to match hers.

“I can’t move on,” Jaina choked back a sob. “From Myrkr, from losing Anakin, the war, everything. You just…you just moved on like it was nothing while I could barely figure out how to be an adult if I didn’t have to jump into a ship to fly for my life.”

Jag wanted to soften, he really did, but neither of them needed his pity. “So, losing yourself to a Hive mind is the answer? You’d rather just get high with their pheromones and mating calls and just not be a person anymore?”

Jaina’s shoulders sagged as she admitted, “Yes. I really would.”

He looked at her for a moment, the dejection in her eyes and the defeated stance. It wasn’t the Jaina he knew in the past, but she wasn’t a stranger either. Her state right now could have easily been predicted. Like she said, she was distracted by the war. Now that it was long over, there was no longer anything to keep from her the reality of what she’d experienced. He wanted to be there for her, but he’d been selfish in his own duties and responsibilities. He didn’t make enough time for her, neither did he try to understand beneath the surface of what she’d tell him. That was his own fault, and ultimately they’d lost the relationship they worked hard to build.

But Jag didn’t want her to break his heart again. He didn’t want to fail her again.

A persistent beeping blared through the air, one that signalled that they were at their destination. Without looking back at her, Jag moved to the console to check their surroundings for any sign of danger. In the next minute, the sensors picked up another ship dropping out of hyperspace. Its transponder gave a fake name, of course, but through the viewport, Jag could see that it was none other than the _Millenium Falcon_.

Behind him, he heard the door _whoosh_ as Jaina left the cockpit, probably to prepare herself to disembark. Jag closed his eyes for a second before willing himself to get up and at least say goodbye. They were both silent as they waited for the bridge to form between the two ships. Jaina’s eyes were on the floor as she tapped her foot impatiently.

Jag took a deep breath. “I really do want whatever’s best for you.”

Jaina scoffed. “Save it. Last night was fun for you, I’m sure. But for me it just goes on the long list of things I keep fucking up, right?”

“No,” Jag shook his head. “It doesn’t. It would be a lie to say that I didn’t miss you or that I felt nothing for you.”

“What’s your point, Jagged?”

He sighed as he turned to face her, his hands firmly gripping her shoulders. “If I’m not the best thing for you, I can live with that. I can genuinely understand if someone else who can properly understand you makes you happier. If it has to be someone else, I won’t complain. But I know in my heart that _this_ is not it. The Hive doesn’t make you happy at all.”

Jaina finally looked up at him and he was surprised not to see any of the anger from earlier. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Yeah,” she nodded, “I appreciate your views. Always.”

He silently congratulated himself, counting this as a small win. “Thank you. I really do care what happens to you, no matter how far away I am.”

For a moment, he thought he saw her eyes glisten. “I care about you too.”

Before he could clarify that he still loved her with all his heart, a loud thud indicated that transport between the two ships was now possible. He probably had only a few seconds to say it and he didn’t want to make things more complicated for her if her parents were to stroll in.

Jaina breathed deeply as she gave him one last look. “Thanks for the ride.”

“No problem,” Jag tipped his head towards her, watching her walk away from him once again.

Whether Jaina took his advice or not was up to her. The only thing he could do now was head back to his base before his time off ended. That was exactly what he wanted to do, right? Get back to work and stop thinking about his ex-girlfriend?

As he sat in the pilot’s chair once more, he felt heavier than he actually was. It could have been the weight of the argument with Jaina earlier, or even the memory of her lying on top of him just hours before, but it was a crushing weight that seemed to paralyse him.

More than likely, it was just the weight of his own heart shattering to pieces once more as it lost the one thing in life that it had truly yearned for.

**Author's Note:**

> I barely remember writing (lol) this but I hope you enjoyed it all the same! I'm working on something pretty big that I want to get far in before I start posting so stick around for that! Thank you again :)


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